did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
