he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
