I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
