So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
