Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize