I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
