Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
