Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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