Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
