My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
