Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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