The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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