There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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