This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize