somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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