i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
high people should be assigned attendants
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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