Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
