lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
