Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I could fuck to npr.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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