I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
