he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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