Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
