It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
