i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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