apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
