I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
