I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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