The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
