i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
