I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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