But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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