Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
