Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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