I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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