HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
