she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
