Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
