How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
