i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize