At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
