i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
