He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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