I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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