pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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