hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
