Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
