We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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