For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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