also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
