Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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