I bet he comes in French.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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