one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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