Your mouth is God's brothel.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I won the penis lottery.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
