Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
