oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
