I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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