I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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