and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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