when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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