On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i love accidental penises.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
