Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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