Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so let's talk penis.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
