I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
