Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
