He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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