I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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