wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize