Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
