There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You're like the curious george of whores
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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