He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
