she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
