Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
