He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
