just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
