just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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