I feel great
I just peed on a car
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
