Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
