I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
