Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
one two three fourrrrnication!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
