How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
