While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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