No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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