Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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