god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
